and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
