it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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