Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
