dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
