So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
