my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
