Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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