This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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