So drunk its hurt
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
