So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
