but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
