I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
