maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
