So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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