i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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