I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
