I hate your face
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
