party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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