She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
