I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Pants are for mortals
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
