I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
