I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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