I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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