Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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