her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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