Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
