Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
