Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
well you can't waste a boner
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
