Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
