Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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