it was like his penis was on wheels.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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