i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
