I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
