I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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