Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
