Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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