But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
