guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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