remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
