You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
