I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
