do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
