felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
