What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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