And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
