i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
