If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
