you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
