some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
