dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
