guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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