Betty ford says i'm here all night
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
