I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
