Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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