Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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